Running through my head (Evangelion)
This post is thanks to all the comments I received from Cece and Astns on the last one. Normally I’m not that inspired to blog, but when I get really good conversations I can’t help but start thinking about how awesome anime is and especially the ones that make you wade in without a life vest.
I hated Evangelion the first time I watched it (If you haven’t seen it and you don’t want to be spoiled you are soo in the wrong place right now) I hated Shinji, I loved Asuka, I hated Gainax for killing her emotionally, I hated Gainax for killing her physically, I hated Gainax for bringing her back to life so they could have Shinji attempt to kill her again. I hated that they ran out of money and the last two episodes were a mind f*** that left me somewhat confused but mainly just tired and annoyed. Why did I watch this series? I went to other blogs who told me Shinji was a terrible character and a total wuss. I read further and discovered order discount pills people who liked the series. Evangelion was a classic. I couldn’t comprehend, maybe people just really liked the oversized robots, and maybe people loved Rei just because she was the first attempt at an emotionless doll (which has since been redone many times over). Maybe it was just good because it was original and it defined a genre. I was content with that answer for a long time. I grew a little, faced some hardships and spent a lot of time alone. I heard Evangelion 1.0 was coming out and my mind traveled back to the first season. I re-watched the series.
BOOM!!
Evangelion is amazing. Yeah I hear people yelling at their computer screens saying it isn’t so. First you’ll get the people who point out “plot holes” who say “isn’t it ridiculous, teenagers being handed the fate of humanity”, yeah yeah: So what it’s been done since and it had been done before, who cares. Then you get the people who say it was good just because it was memorable or “A Gateway Series”. You’re right Evangelion had some disturbing moments that I won’t soon forget, but you’re wrong, that’s not what made it great. Last you’ll get the people who will just say the entire thing was a giant shot to start the moe factory by creating subservient women and tsunderes. Hehe, maybe!
I’m skittering around the point here, but you’re going to have to bear with me because I feel awkward just coming out and saying it. I assume many of you have read Harry Potter. I feel like people skitter around why they love Harry Potter so much as well. They say they’re in love with the incredible world, but, even though it is good, I don’t think it’s really all that special. You see Evangelion and Harry Potter both had incredible characters. Whenever people around me talk about Harry Potter (after they get past the initial “I love Harry Potter”—“Omg so do I”) they focus on the characters: The tragedy of Snape’s life when we finally understand how he felt all this time, Hermione and Ron’s relationship, Dumbledoor’s secret past—I could go on for a long time–. When I think about how clearly J.K. Rowling knew these people cheap ampicilllin that she wrote, how different and real they were, I can’t help but be in love. The characters are alive.
You see my argument forming already don’t you? Evangelion created a world that was improbable, incredible, and depressing. Like Darker than Black you approach it thinking, this can’t end well. Yet, you want it too. I’m glad that they’re making the movies because I think it comes through a lot clearer with an actual budget. When you see the immense struggle humanity faces to survive and the way they all come together you can’t help but feel moved a little bit. Then we get the personal struggles. We’re introduced to Shinji right off as extremely alone and extremely conflicted. He deals with it by putting headphones in his ears and blasting away his intense feelings of abandonment with a walkman. The series doesn’t even beat around the bush with the why. In Misato and Shinji’s first conversation they talk about how they dislike their fathers. So why did Shinji come when his father called, because he desperately needs his approval and he doesn’t want to be alone.
The buildup starts with Shinji boarding Unit 01 and at first we think he’s going to do it, but within that very first fight he’s already being confronted with his own mortality. He loses control, he’s beat on, he’s unprepared, and he’s terrified. They just put a teenager in a giant robot (human made organism that resembles the angels). As soon as we expect something good to happen something terrible happens and this is the case over and over again.
What you have are some extremely messed up people who can handle a lot; they do handle a lot. At first they’re able to find solace in each other but as the angels keep coming and threatening them over and over they lose their hope for the future little by little until all of their worst fears and all their desires come bubbling to the surface. When all the characters are first revealed to us we see the mask. We see what they want to show us, but as the barriers break and they can no longer control what they show us we see the very worst of humanity. There is no silver lining here. This is the anti Gurren Lagann.
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The characters are unable to resolve their problems. The two characters that I want to talk about the most though are Shinji and Asuka. Ever since the last scene of them on the beach after the end of the world they have never been far from my mind. Even though I know there are a lot of Rei X Shinji fans out there I can’t help but think that Shinji and Asuka needed each other the most, they were really almost the same person. Shinji was abandoned by his father and Asuka’s mother tried to make Asuka commit suicide with her (although she didn’t recognize it anymore). cheap zithromax Yet Evangelion showed us two characters that had two extremely distinct ways of dealing with the abandonment. Asuka acts bossy and arrogant trying to protect the fragile interior that lurks just beneath. She wants to be loved and she wants to be noticed and she falls in love with Shinji. I die a little inside when I watch her unable to deal with her feelings and continually push Shinji away by being incredibly mean to him even when she doesn’t mean it until she’s isolated herself. It’s not Shinji’s fault but it’s not Asuka’s either. They can’t drop their defenses and let the other in.
Then what of Misato? She tried to become Shinji’s mother because she sees he desperately needs one. She almost succeeds but she continually has to send him into recklessly perilous situations. When she finds love again and has a chance of being happy it’s cruelly ripped away from her. She isn’t there for Shinji when he needs her the most. She barely knows how to be a mother but she reaches out anyways.
If we traced all of the characters stories we would see the spiral. It starts off bad but gradually gets better. Shinji finally makes friends and he’s accepted. He thinks he’s in love with Rei and Rei starts to open up to him, but it doesn’t last. All at once they start spiraling; only a little at first. I can’t say where the tipping point is, but I would guess at the death of the real Rei, the Rei that loved Shinji. Even though she was replaced by another Shinji knows there’s a difference. Then it escalates throwing us down in a vicious cycle as Shinji is forced to watch as Unit 01 rips apart one of his best friends. He runs away and finds out that he isn’t wanted, Kaji dies. Can’t this guy catch a break? Is it any wonder that by the end of the series we’re forced to yell at our computer screens screaming “Man up Shinji go save the earth”. Of course he doesn’t want to, this is a broken child. They’re all broken. The worst part is it isn’t the angels that broke them. Sure they applied some pressure, but in the end we see humanity destroy itself. Everyone dies, end of story.
Evangelion tells the story of us. It’s so incredibly human for a show about the angels trying to destroy us. At first we oppose our destruction. We come together and build some incredible things. We oppose them as one, but it doesn’t last. We can’t overcome our individual difference; we can’t overcome the barrier that is our physical forms that separates our consciousness. The end of Evangelion was actually an amazing attempt at the solution to a horrendous problem. Throughout the series we’re show people who can’t see past our exteriors to what we really need deep inside. By breaking down our physical bodies and making all of humanity LCL fluid (or making us all one shared consciousness it takes away our misunderstanding. Yet, Shinji rejects this in the end. Despite how terrible it’s been despite his incredible pains he finally realizes that it’s exactly that struggle to understand each other that makes humanity worth saving. We start with two dimensional stereotypical characters and slowly discover the third dimension.
There are a lot of good articles on this and I’m sure much more thoughtful and have much less plot in them. I, however, can’t stand that this series is sometimes undervalued just because we don’t always like the characters. Of course we don’t want to see the worst parts of ourselves. But isn’t that what makes Evangelion worth watching?
Oops not a strictly Eva picture there.
I wish I could have put into words more of the things that are buried deep within my brain, but unfortunately I seem to be heading towards plot summarization in an attempt to just rehash the story at you until you feel the same way. Still I hope you got something from this… Oh here’s an AMV that is really an excellent representation of Shinji and Asuka’s relationship and does a really good job showing a lot of what I was trying to say. The quality isn’t great, but oh well.
I guess I hope for this as kind of a jumping point. This series is old (1989 right?) way before I began watching anime so it’s dated in some respects, but it’s still amazing and the movies coming out give us/me a good chance to finally talk about it. In this post I basically rambled and said not very much about anything giving people lots of room to say whatever the heck they want. I hope it works that way at least :).
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9 Comments
lol, I just watched Eva 2.0 today, in a cinema (!!), and I come back awed and dazed and absently wandered here and guess what I saw :D It’s almost spooky.
This was a show that I really, really wanted to blog, in sickening detail, back in the day, but never actually managed to get down to it :)
I didn’t get to finish Eva. When i first saw it I was in 6th grade so certain images really scared. Slowly though I started to continue watching the series and I tried to catch it on Adult Swim at night. My friend told me the ending was horrible :sad: so i took her advice and didn’t watch the end. I think I’ll watch it now though. Your post inspired me. :grin:
Be prepared! The last two episodes and the movie the end of Evangelion are a bit hard to watch. The last two episodes are when Gainax ran out of money so they threw a bunch of footage together and put some twists on it. The movie is the very last straw. Everything blows up. Like Jason’s reaction to Eva 2.0 it left me dazed for days.
Actually I think I heard that the last movie (The End of Evangelion) was made after they had the budget to redo those last two episodes and give Evangelion a proper ending. I don’t know if it’s proper, but it’s definitely an ending.
I’m glad it inspired you though, it really is a good series. But, it’s definitely a show you have to watch and never take what’s given to you on the surface. i.e. when Asuka starts acting horrible to Shinji you really have to look at how she’s feeling and why she did it. The characters don’t just act certain ways to get fans or attention I think that’s what makes them so adored even today. Even though they have popular traits it’s not unnatural because that’s just who they really are.
@Jason I’m really jealous! I only got to see Eva 2.0 on someone’s theater recording that had been subbed. It still looked amazing but I want to see the full screen HD version. There were just some moments that were so deserving. Like the angel that was the bomb and the three pilots working together to catch and stop it.
It’s never too late to blog a series :). Especially one like Eva that still has so much to talk about.
Hehe, I’m enough of a fanboy to stubbornly refuse to watch camrips and held out until now when it finally hit local cinemas :3
You probably know, but I’m a fan of this show like I’m a fan of no other. In its fullest, deepest form, this was a horrifying show. A lot of very disturbing, very brutal physical events happen in the course of the plot, but the true horror lies in the fact that this is us. We call the characters messed up but on deeper analysis and reflection they are really very normal people, and given a normal set of circumstances, would be living in the much same, relatively unremarkeable way as we do. Can you imagine what Asuka would be like if you put her into a normal high school? She could easily be your typical high school tsundere girl, and live and grow up normally into a fine lady. But in Evangelion exactly the wrong things happens to her one after another, at exactly the wrong times, hitting and breaking everything that held her up, and she crumbles completely. Imo what makes Evangelion so legendary and so resonatingly powerful is how it holds up a brutally honest, terrifyingly vivid mirror to the true frailty of human sanity. The important thing here is that it’s not that Asuka is weak, or that she is different, born with a defective ability to deal with stress. What we are made to see is that the life and personality of a human being, the ‘facade’ that we are able to show the external world and through which we are able to interact normally with other personalities, rests – exists with a complete and inexorable dependence – on a fundamental, subconscious baseline of beliefs, desires and hopes. Evangelion scorns this by staging a dramatic demonstration of how weak a human being really is if you attacked him/her at exactly the wrong places at exactly the wrong time and sequence, and seals the experience with a heart-wrenching portrayal of the horrifying effects of the resulting psychological cave-in.
I liked the AMV by the way :) Asuka x Shinji dynamics is pretty interesting too. As you noted, Asuka is arguably the character that suffered the most brutal abuse in the series. And I think this, too, makes a very interesting statement on human personality when pushed to the horizon of psychological sanity. Specifically Shinji. This is the Shinji who refused to endanger his friends in a battle with an angel, that refused to harm an (at that point) unknown human being in a contaminated eva even if it meant his own death, the Shinji that was first moved to pilot eva by Rei’s horrible state, that rushed back to HQ to repilot eva after seeing what Zeruel did to units 00 and 02. Where did that Shinji end up? He didn’t lift a finger to save Asuka in the end. Quoting you, he killed Asuka. Not only that, he was asking a comatose Asuka to help him, to save him. What does this say? Even human compassion is ethereal and compulsive, resting on the same bed of support and when you take that support away, all Shinji could think about was himself, why am I taking this? Why isn’t anyone here for me? It didn’t matter if the person before him took more abuse, and is in an even more terrible state than he was. Remember that first hospital scene in the End of Evangelion? What a brilliantly concise and vivid delivery of the entirety of this. Can you blame me for loving this show to bits? :mrgreen:
Of course, this is the original series. Something fundamentally different is happening in Rebuild, even in 1.0 where events are superficially the same. I’ll not say too much here since it’s likely that many people haven’t watched 2.0, but what I’m getting out of it so far (getting past all that awesome bling) is that some RIGHT things actually happened, and this sets in motion some psychological changes that chain reacts from character to character, with the result that while many events are superficially the same, the reasons and motivations behind the participating characters is now interestingly different.
Lol, I could go on and on and on and on and ON about this show xD I guess eva to me is as DtB is to you :P
Oh man epic comment!! :)
The rebuild of Evangelion is really different. It seems just as horrifying in the beautiful visuals they provide us, but the truly interesting part is the little moments (especially between Asuka and Shinji [and Rei + Shinji]) that provide them all just the tiny bit of support they needed in order to not just maintain a facade, but to bring the beauty within themselves out and be comfortable showing the world what’s there.
The difference from the pebble being placed on a mountainside is a landslide. They still have a lot more to face in the last two movies, but I get the feeling that they’ll actually be able to stand up and push back against the overwhelming weight placed on their shoulders, instead of slowly being crushed by it.
I couldn’t wait because America is stupid sometimes and always waits for dubs before they release the movies. They need to just release the subbed version in theaters.
I definitely enjoyed your bit about Shinji crying to Asuka for help. Those scenes are flashing back to me clearly now. I remember right after going into LCL world and being confronted by Asuka who plain refused to help him. He tried to kill her too.
What always surprised me about the dynamic was why Asuka? Why wasn’t he crying to Rei or Misato for help? Why only Asuka? Did he sense deep down that she was the only one that truly understood him, or was he just a masochist. Did Shinji by the end of the series hate himself so much that he wanted Asuka to verbally abuse him–to call him baka Shinji and the like. I have to think this is the case, and the reason Asuka wouldn’t help. Asuka is especially sad because absolutely everything went wrong for her. She couldn’t get any help and all of her supports were taken away from her. While Misato really cared and tried to protect Shinji, Asuka ran away and was left alone. Then Kaji dies… Shinji had people trying to help him, if inconsistently, but sometime it doesn’t matter who tries to help you because you only need that one person’s respect.
Eva is an amazing series and of course I would never blame you for loving it. I think the show just torments the viewer all the way through as it tortures the characters it made you care about. It’s really hard to watch in some respects. As for it being your DTB who is to be saying. I like Eva a lot and for reasons entirely separate from my love for DTB. I’ve said this before but Eva is young boy grows up and DTB is new guy comes to town. Eva showed us something true and horrifyingly remarkable while DTB is a masterfully told story. I can’t wait for 2.0 to come out. I really want to see it!!
Thanks for the awesome comment. It made my day brighter.
Best anime music video ever: Rammstein’s Engel using Evangelion. That’s how I like to remember eva…I’d probably watch eva 2.0, but I don’t think I can rewatch the original.
Man I hate Shinji. But as much as I hate certain parts/aspects of eva, it’s very impressive that an anime could instill such a reaction in someone with such a small emotional range as myself.
Maybe you’ve just been bottling it up inside all this time. Maybe you’re very prone to rage??
Kidding, I’m going to go find your music video.
Ew, yeah dubs would suck immensely. Actually I didn’t expect it to hit my local cinemas so soon either, I was more waiting for the DVD’s to appear.
As for why ask Asuka, well, I think that what Shinji said at the beginning of the hospital scene pretty much sums it up : “Misato and Ayanami scares me”. Shinji’s life in the original series basically goes through an inverted parabola. From his loneliness in the beginning of the series things picked up after the initial shock of piloting eva. He got used to living with Misato, who was (then) pleasant company for the most part; he made up with Toji and actually made friends and began to socialize normally in school; he was on pretty friendly terms with both Rei and Asuka; he was doing pretty well with piloting and even got praised – you could say he was well on his way to normalcy and even happiness. Then it was downhill again, due, I think, to two key events – Kaji’s death, and Rei’s death.
Misato’s relationship with Shinji is actually pretty interesting. While she took him in saying he shouldn’t live alone, it is clear that she, too, longed for the company. To her credit, she tried genuinely and sincerely to care for Shinji, but the relationship never really worked out. Hedgehog’s dilemma. They could never get closer than a critical distance. When Kaji died it clearly broke Misato’s heart, and then SHE desperately needed comfort, needed someone to help her bear her intense grief. Clearly she had no one but Shinji, and clearly no one could be more ill-fitted for the job than Shinji. So Shinji grew afraid of Misato, and avoided her. And then after Rei’s death, he discovers Rei III distant and unnervingly foreign. And then Ritsuko comes and reveals that Rei isn’t even truly human. Kaji was gone, his school friends had moved out, and he was scared of the grieving Misato and the new Rei. Suddenly he was alone and miserable. Asuka was the ‘only one left’. At least Asuka had never depended on him, never placed expectations and the burden of her problems on him. She only mocked and abuse him, but that’s alright. At least he could interact with her without being scared.
Again, it’s all twisted and depressing, but it’s done so intricately and vividly, it feels real, alive.
Ok, will stop here. I really should be making a post out of these instead of blog-jacking you like that :P I forgot to mention it last time but thanks for the great post. Feels awesome to be talking about eva like that xD
I didn’t make a blog to read my own writing. I made it to hear other people’s thoughts. In other words blog jacking my butt! I like reading your takes whether it’s on this blog or your own.
After putting it like that I guess Asuka really was the only one he could talk to. I can understand the Rei one, but I didn’t really notice the Misato problems. I suppose it was kind of their now that I think about it. She was emitting painful vibes and he just couldn’t be their for her. I think he also was relying on Asuka because she was in a coma. She couldn’t hurt him anymore, she couldn’t abandon him. He knew where she was and he could make unreasonable selfish demands without her turning it back on him. Notice he’s fine when she doesn’t respond but when he confronts her again in the movie weird scene he tries strangling her (then again on the beach). He can’t stand the world but he can’t stand himself even more and that incredible self pity is what really drives everyone up the wall (especially the viewer). It’s not surprising that it eventually morphs into rage.
Regardless, I would also say that Shinji was searching for normalcy. Throughout the series he just wants normal friends and a normal dad. He didn’t want anything to do with this top secret stuff or to be responsible for the rest of the world. Although he doesn’t initially like Asuka you get the feeling that he likes her because she doesn’t want him there either. I also get the feeling that their interaction were really normal and he wanted that more than anything else. I think they were likened to an old married couple a few times. Perhaps it was that person who saw him as a normal, selfish boy that he so craved.
Your bit about Asuka’s independence is probably one of the most important factors too. She didn’t need him and from what he saw she didn’t want him. He turned away from the people who needed him. The spiral started with Rei and Kaji but I think the nuclear bomb for the series was the last human/angel dude who was in love with Shinji or whatever. He built him up and gave him that last little hope before ripping him completely apart. He also was a direct afront to our humanity. He basically put on the table that either humanity should kill him or he would be forced to kill humanity (then he offered to die because he thought humanity should live). We already know we’re terrible but then he comes along and shows that we have no good points. That’s when Shinji really starts believing there is no reason for him to save himself or anyone else. There’s nothing worth saving. Except maybe Asuka :).
Fun talk again. I always get a kick out of reading these comments and I’ve wanted to talk about Eva for a really long time too.
@Rachel That Amv was amazing. Has to be one of the funniest Eva Amvs ever. Everyone else can see it here.
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[...] my old blog), I’ve decided to give that up, and instead take inspiration from Dustin’s Evangelion post and make a side trip down memory’s lane to revisit some of the older but highly deserving [...]
[...] lazy to do for yourself, well, you may have come to the right place! Quoting a comment I posted here: In its fullest, deepest form, this was a horrifying show. [...] What we are made to see is that [...]