Now that I’ve introduced transformations I expect I’ll have trouble getting away from it.

Hmmm, conspiracies, plots, and easy information. What isn’t being said here. Great responses from both of you though, Its good to know where other people think the plot is going that way I can make it as predictable or unpredictable as I want :).

@Keiri

Thanks for the advice (and the praise). I’ll be sure to pay more attention to my descriptions. I’m about 850 words into the next installment and it’s looking pretty fun.

P.S. I’m pretty sure Cece wants to kill off Passerby for reals (I definitely got that vibe).

@Jason

Thanks Jason!

Hmmm, it could be possible that Passerby is the narrator deceiving you; he is a snake after all. Who was that person recording and interrogating Passerby in the beginning anyway? And what drug? When did the whole recollection scene even take place? So many mysteries :)… I like a world that becomes more mysteries the more fleshed out it becomes. Perhaps more of these questions will be answered in the next installment, but if so expect many more to be raised.

And I r suspicious! As Keiri said that was too easy. My overactive conspiracy-theoretic imagination identifies several points in the text that you could use to turn the tables, not least of which is the fact that all this was but an account – sans witness too. I say there’s something fishy in this. Passerby did it! Maybe. xD

Regarding weird choice of words, FWIW I thought it was fine. And I think it is fine. IMO it adds to the individuality of the work if you allow yourself some language-leeway to just write what feels best to you. So long as it does not obscure the intended meaning of the text of course. What did they call it again? Poetic license, I believe :)

I agree with the others regarding your choice of words in describing the scenes. They were really effective, effective enough to paint vivid images in my imagination. They just sounded slightly off in some parts (like the example they quoted above) but I reckon this could be remedied by proofreading and perhaps visualizing it from the reader’s point of view instead of the author’s. I’ve never written fiction before (Okay, maybe the very few short stories or so for elementary school essays), but that’s the approach I adopt when I write research papers. Everytime I finish a draft, I would re-read the piece as my supervisor or colleagues would see it. Whenever I go through those papers again, I often run into situations where I realize the words I used sounded ambiguous or too difficult to comprehend if I was to present the papers to people who don’t know anything about my research. I have to come up with ways to write the papers such that even people outside my field are able to understand them. Of course I’m not suggesting for you to simplify your work in any way because colorful creativity is one of the souls of good fiction. Just a little trivial suggestion from me because that’s how I reviewed your work, as a reader who doesn’t know where the story is going and what to expect until you narrate it to us. I guess my opinions may not be that relevant because fiction and scientific research aren’t in the same boat after all and I prolly shouldn’t be comparing them, but I hope it helps a little. :)

As for your latest installment, YAY! for transformations! :D
I know I’m going to sound plain when I say this but that was really cool! I’m not sure how to explain it, but those scenes had a rush of adrenaline to them. GAR even? And the mystery deepens… It’s as though there’s a lot more to it than meets the eye. The first thought that came to my mind when Cece admitted that they (Ash Clan) killed Dai the 1312th was “Wait a sec… She confessed just like that? That sounded almost too easy.” I had a hunch that was either a deception strategy or she was way too confident about a 100% success of finishing off Passerby.
PS. I’m sure people would know I’m referring to the characters in the story. ;3

Keep it up! I eagerly await moar!

Hmmm… Ok, I’ll send it to you along with a few of the things I want to know from another person’s (who knows nothing about the story) point of view.

I assume I can use the e-mail you use for this site, if not you can use the contact link at the top of the page to send me the e-mail you would prefer it at.